New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY 6

THE G DICKTIONARY

Madonna Moment - This occurs when you are approximately on your third or fourth pint...when you get into the groove... you know what I mean!! The lager is just taking effect, music, women, etc...nothing else matters in the whole world but being in the pub at that particular time!! world debt, plague and famine are irrelevant..the Madonna Moment!! Make the most of it because there is only one way your going...down hill ;-D

Bum Crackling - This is a common day-after syndrome. Beer and a kebab or curry lead to sloppy bowels!!

In the rush to rejoin the fun in the pub you wipe quickly and without a care in the world. When you wake up in the morning you feel hungover and a little crusty. Your bum hair is a little shall we say twigletty!! You can risk not having a shower but this will lead to debris constantly falling into your pants for the rest of the day!! not good!! Shower is the only cure!!

Lecter Cake - This is a special cake you give to somone at work!! What a birthday treat they say THE MERINGUE IS SO LIGHT AND FLUFFY!! Little do they know there is something very special mixed in the ingredients!! ;-D see also jizz lobber..

Happy birthday work mate!!! mwah mwah!!!

Domestos Lollipop - I fooking hate swimming but see it is a necessary evil when I can't run!! 'But I like swimming' you say! Bollox!! How can you enjoy swimming in other people's piss and chlorine? Up and down the lane you go...dull dull dull..swallowing foul water!!! Anyway, not only is it dull it leaves you smelling like you wear domestos aftershave. Here is a test for you swimming people...Don't shower and let your girlfriend suck your domestos lollipop!! Mmmmm!!! lovely surprise!! Next time just save her the trouble and let her lick the inside of the toilet bowl!!!

Enough fun with words I must fly!!!!!

New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY 5

New Words and Phrases

Pixel Dick - In short this cute little phrase is used when you intend to film yourself and your partner getting giggy shall we say!! Nothing like home made porn!! ;-D The thought of seeing myself in action does not appeal to me in the slightest but apparently some of my mates quite enjoy the experience! The question you need to ask is how many pixels does it take to cover up your willy? It is like porn they dont want you to look at were they make all the interesting bits fuzzy!! Always aim high...that will be 3 pixels then !! This phrase will become quite common I feel between swingers and nuns. Females will also be able to use the phrase 'Pixel Pussy' to talk about the size of their gash!! winner!!

Gruff or Gruffter - This is what boys call their man muff!! A gruffter!! It is like the Raleigh Grifter of Muffs!!! A beast of a muff!! For those of you who don't know what a Raleigh Grifter is then I shall give a brief description..It was like the Sherman Tank of bmx's!! I kid you not.. When bmx's became popular this was the Britsih response.. I remember trying to do a jump off a plank on this, it fooking nearly killed me! I literally dropped off the end of a wall, head first..testicles wrapped around the seat post!! I talked like Graham Norton for a week..It hurts just thinking about it!!! On reflection though, I loved my Grifter! I had many a fun time pushing the bastard uphill!! lol !! But, I love my gruffter more...te he he!!

T.L.C. Breakfast - A T.L.C. breakfast is what gets me through the working week!!

Tea - cups and cups of Tea!!

Liquid Ibruprofen - the best invention of the last 50 years, 2 capsules thank you please!!

Cheese on Toast - It just tastes so right!!! mmmmm!!!

Georgie Breakfast - Named after one of the greatest footballers,shaggers and downright legends ever!! George Best!! The Georgie breakfast is quite simple and straight to the point...One can of Stella...Hairy dog and lets get back on it!! The Georgie Breakfast is frequently used on weekenders and when you know ain't nothing going to cure your hangover but another beer. It has to be Stella or you are a gayer! fact!

Leo Sayer - No I don't mean getting a piggy back off a curly haired seventies pop idol!! This phrase means going out all day drinking... Leo Sayer = All Dayer!!!! Use this phrase to confuse anyone under the age of 25 who has absolutely no idea who he is!!

I am beginning to realise I must confuse everybody as I talk in riddles and phrases only I know?

Happy days!! :-D

New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY 4

The G DickTionary

Mullet Off - This is when two men or women with the infamous Mullet haircut engage in a bout of Mullet tugging!! Before the bout begins they look each other in the eye and grab each side of their opponents hair, approximately just where the hair starts to flare out at the back of the ear. With a countdown the tugging may commence...the victor is the one who loses the least amount of hair and blood in a 10 minute bout.

Mullet-off Cocktail - This is a group bout of upto 5 on either side. Same rules apply except that the sexes can fight the opposite sex..ie. man v woman. This can be used to sort out divorces and other important family disputes like constantly farting under the duvet and stuff.

Always remember Mullet fans It's business at the front and party at the back for a reason..be safe!

Rigsby's Replacements - this is when your landlord eats and drinks your food and alcohol and replaces them with something completely different although nearly the same!!! lol  ;-D

Seagulls(seagals)  -  Named after the famous actor Steven Seagal. Seagals can be found in the conibation of West Bridgford In Nottingham and usual congregate on Thursday, Fridays and Saturday nights. They can be spotted by their identical plummage of being overweight, slick back hair, T-shirt too small for their rotund bellies and general orangy flesh coloured tones. They can be identified by this appearence no matter what the season is. They are brash creatures and continually bleet about how much they have or appear to have..what one could call a 'ten bob millionaire'. They habitually mate with Blonde haired 'Julie's' who are identical in appearence except that they have lady cocks and fake tits!!! They breed unfortunately and worship the church of Simon Cowell and Katie Price... Avoid at all costs..

New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY 3

The G Dicktionary

Pistolas - We all know that fingering is a bit of a childish word! So, when we become adults with jobs and responsibilities we need to use a new word that means the same because, lets face it, it's rather fun. eg. 'I pistoled her good', 'She loves a good pistoling' At the same time it is recommended that you make a little gun mime with your hand. This is very adult like as you can pretend you are playing Cowboys and Indians without anyone knowing. If you are feeling adventurous there are many variations 'the pistolla bang' or 'double barelled pistolas' this requires double gun mime!(double the fun) You be careful with your 'cocked pistolas' they are lethal weapons my mum told me, they will get you into trouble one day! How right she was.

Knub - Do you know if the person you are looking at is a man or a woman? Whether the person has a Knob or a Lady Cock? A very confusing area at the moment with Lady Gaga and all!! Knub, sums up that grey area perfectly. I think I need to feel her Knub to know for sure? I prefer the Crocodile Dundee method of Knubbing just to be sure when I go out on the town and I have had a few cheeky drinks!!! aggressive knubbing - he/she knubbed me good!I kicked him in the knub! You can 'romance the knub' to a hit single from Barry White. Knub friendly but to the point!

Dogstar - I bet your thinking of that crap band that one from Busted is in now? No, Back to the Dogstar is a lyric from that fine wordsmith Mr Mike Skinner who is from the Street, Man! 'All back to the Dogstar' means back to the local for a late drink. Rah Rah to get a Marlon from the bar. Preferably a drink and not a dead actor. Charlie from Busted has a Knub I believe?

Window Lickers - This is a system that Students and Staff have developed over the years. A bit like visual morse code... One lick on the window means hello, two licks means I fancy you, three licks means fook off!!! To get the desired effect you need to place both hands on the window with your face inbetween them flush to the window and lick away. Make sure you smear the window when you do this for prosterity purposes. Why talk to other people when you can window lick to your hearts content. Especially effective in a car,minibus or high speed train.

Licking the Stamp - A phrase for when one likes to partake in sex of the oral variety with a lady. This was developed when I was at university where I had a friend who would only do oral sex on the females he met? Why I am not sure? We nicknamed him 'stamp' which we did with a rediculous tongue action when we said it!!! We also liked to repeat the word stamp about 20 times for a better effect' stamp stamp stamp stamp etc.. until he cried. We did this on one flight to Kavos none stop for 4 hours to great general amusement to our group! Everyone else on the plane thought we were mental!! happy days!! Matt eventually hung himself with a stamp attached to his forehead. :-D

New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY 2

The G Dicktionary

Eurovision - this is a catchphrase for when one is trying to attract a lady from the continent...eg. tonight I'm going eurovision... If unsuccessful it is known as 'nil point' or doing a Terry Wogan!

Stellafied - A recent hit pop tune by the Mancunian monkey man Sir Ian Brown has been adapted to mean you are totally wankered on Stella! eg. Fook I'm Stellafied....The nastiest lager known to the human race but it's also quite nice? One of life's great puzzles?

Rapper replacement - this is the art of replacing everyday words with rappers names...eg. Coolio - just means 'cool'. Vanilla Ice means 'nice'. J Zee means you lazy cunt. ie. Your such a J Zee cunt!! This has limitations though as rappers tend to be named Dave?

Shootle poops - this is a phrase that means you are going somewhere eventually! but it might take a while and you might meander via a pub etc...but you will gt there eventually!! what might also be described as being a bit of a 'gayer' reference!

Gayer - a positive way of saying you are acting like a mincing girl. eg. you are such a 'gayer'. This can be used in many hilarious situations and has been known to diffuse many a hostile happening or event. Clinton to Yeltsin...Boris you drink like a gayer! Yeltsin to Clinton...no worries mate I'd rather be a gayer than let your wife suck my cock again. Three bottles of fine vodka later Bill was asleep and Hilary was smiling!! Bill you would say acted like a 'gayer'!!!! True Story ;-D

New WoRds aNd PhRaSeS - THE G DICKTIONARY

The G Dicktionary

Clunter - an amalgamation of the words Clunge and Hunter... eg. my mate Hadyn is a clunter tonight. This means that tonight he is looking to meet some fine ladies.

Brumstroker - this is someone who originates from Birmngham who like to stroke ladies bottoms with the nickname of  Dracula.

Mug Full - this phrase relates to the fact that as an adult man it is healthy to empty your ballbags on a regular basis. This roughly equates to a mug full in a month. Any less than this and you are likely to be what is known as 'Backed up'. You can often hear men discussing this over a social drink. 'I have had a mug full this month' or 'I'm backed up, it's nearly the end of the month and I've only filled a third of a mug.

Milked - the art of being treated like a cow until a milk like substance is extracted from the end of the penis.
eg. she milked me off last night. I like to be milked in the morning.