Mad March

Mad March

Funky February has ended but Mad March has begun!!!

I shall be reflecting on the gigs and stuff I did in February over the next week or so!!

Lots of exciting things have happened in the last month!!

Lots of crazy stuff also!!!

Been far too busy at work, hence lack of blogging!!

The Soft Pack @ The Bodega Social

The last gig of Funky Feb - Great Gig!!

You gotta Answer to Yourself :-D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AnFd9d1rJE

New Year Resolutions

Aha!! New Year's Resolutions!

1. Write more - Blogs/scripts/poetry etc..

2. Read more - books I keep buying and not reading

3. Complete a Film Project

4. Travel to 3 new countries

5. Do some voluntary work

6. Get fitter not fatter!! eek!!

7. Work Hard...Party Harder (more gigs)

8. Get Divorced..properly

9. Sort my career out...one way or another!!
10. Organise another gig for LMHR


Make 2010 a year to remember!!

I think that is more than enough to be going on with! :-Dx

it's been a while!!!

Jesus, it feels like ages since I last wrote a blog post..(it is! :-D)
Been a bit crazy recently..work, trip to Poland, organising a gig and moving house!
Pretty knackered tonight as I have been tidying the room I am renting at the moment.
I have far too much stuff for 1 room..I am in the process of de-cluttering...again!!
Lots to write about in the next few weeks but time for sleep!
Exciting times!!! :-Dx

DrEam - If you book them they will come!!!

I keep having a recurring dream...
A naked Indian takes me to talk to Jim Morrison !!!

The conversation goes....

Gord: Jim, why was I supposed to put on this concert?
Jim: Because you had to learn that it doesn't matter what you do, Cassandra loves you for who you are and that, being an adult means facing resposibility yet still taking the time to have fun.
Gord: Right, its like coming home on Friday night and doing your homework right away so that your Saturday night is free to just party.
Jim: No I like the way I said it better.
Gord: OK.

 
At the center of the plot of Wayne’s World 2 is Wayne and Garth’s attempt to stage a rock concert, a la Woodstock, but called Waynestock instead. Where does Wayne get the idea? He has a quite psychedelic dream where an Indian leads him in the desert to talk to no less than Jim Morrison, in a funny send up of The Doors movie. Morrison tells Wayne that the one thing he should do with his life is to put on a rock concert. His key words to Wayne are, “If you book them, they will come.” He also instructs Wayne that in order to pull this off successfully, he and Garth must go to London to locate Del Preston (Ralph Brown), who is supposedly the world’s greatest stage manager.  


Where's Del when you need him??? 
Don't believe your dreams!!!

I think I am going mental??
I need a drink!!! ;-Dxx

Inspirational Poets of the First World War

I think that the poetry of World War One is unsurpassable...
I chose to study it in depth at university.
Just close your eyes and listen to the words..
The imagery is so vivid and horrendous but truely amazing!
Two of my favourites are Sassoon and Owen.
I have picked a selection.







I feel that Rupert Brooke is also very relevant.
This poem was written before the start of the war
Romantic visons of dying for one's country.
The excitement and the adventure that the soldiers thought they were going on.
Juxtapose this with the reality of the poetry of Sassoon and Owen.
The time line of the poetry tells the story of World War One.



Finally, one of my favourite TV shows of all time BlackAdder Goes Forth..
Finding humour in suffering!
Sometimes it's the best way to get a message across!!

I <3 SaturDay morNinGs :-D

Saturday mornings are for staying in bed!!!

NO WORK!!

Maybe not Tracey's bed cause it looks like she's a bit of a filth monkey!!

Anyhow, perfect Saturday morning!!

1. Wake up not too hungover

2. A nice naked lady next to you

3. Make a good cup of tea

4. Select a film to watch

5. Another cup of tea with random food - Jammie Dodgers picked up from late store last night

(they were on offer, they tasted amazing!!!)

6. Watch film - Today 24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE!! Steve Coogan is great as Tony Wilson!!

Poignant, funny and well worth 90 mins of your time!!

7. Excellent film - 9/10 ...breakfast in bed (Cheese on Toast!! Mmmmm)

8. Inbetweeners episode just to finish the morning off - Trip to London episode ! Died and gone to clunge heaven, Simon buys tramps shoes that stink of piss lol!!

9. It's now time to get up..boo!!!

10. Radio 6, Guardian and another brew

11. Plan Saturday - Late afternoon Premiere at Broadway then Maps gig tonight!!

12. It's a beautiful day so go for a run by the river

Wow!! Life doesn't get much better!!!

I <3 Saturday Mornings

Liar Liar - I need to Become More Honest with myself!!

Why I am Irresistible to Women!!

DivorCE - it's just natural selection (fact)

Is DivorCE uNdERRated?

According to research men and women have different approaches to sex and marriage? This is because it takes a woman nine months to make a baby, while it takes a man about two minutes.This simple biological fact, allied to the inexorable force of natural selection, lies behind the folk wisdom that all males (not just human males) are always available for sex. Men typically do not need much persuading to invest a short amount of time in having sex, with the chance of spreading their genes as a result, because they are the sons of men who did not need much persuading. For all females(not just human females) sex tends to lead to pregnancy, and pregnancy is a serious commitment of time and resources. It is best only to risk pregnancy when the time and the partner are right, so women have higher standards and take more presuading. Women are cautious because they are the daughters of women who were cautious.

How dare my X call me a cheating, lying bastard when it's just natural selection!!!
Why didn't my solicitor find this research at £150 an hour..twat!!!!
I feel soo much better about how I acted now!! It wasn't my fault at all!!
I simply just met a less cautious women who wanted me to make her pregnant..devious bitch!! ;-Dx
Who needs furniture anyway? Happy Days!!

Landlord Fights!! A new sport!!

V

Ok, I presume you have all heard of 'Bum Fights' in America where they pay two tramps to fight each other!!

Well, I am going to invent a new sport ' Landlord Fights'

Lets face it, as payers of half of the mortgage we deserve more!!

My current landlord I call 'Rigsby' and my new landlord I am going to call 'Harry'!!

Those of you who know the people will know why!!!

I got the idea on Sunday after, I kid you not... Rigsby went upto Harry and said,

"I hope your pockets are full with my lodgers money...c##t

Harry nearly died...Rigsby was only joking..

I think it is one of the funniest things I have seen for ages..

Landlord Fights was born...

RanDom WordSearch - Analogy

I was just checking how to spell analogy in my hungover state before I texted a reply to someone!

I started to type into google and got as far as - a n a l

This is what came up...
analytics
analogy
analogue devices
analytical
analogous
analysis
analyse
analytical skills
analgesic
analogue

Analgesic... mmmm Further investigation required...
Analgesic Ladder??

There is a actually a league table for Pain!!

Oxford league table of analgesics in acute pain

Analgesic lotion that sounds wrong - Dromeo Pain Relief Analgesic Lotion ...I can get a free sample

"Yes! Send me a sample of Dromeo Pain Relief Analgesic Lotion. I understand this is a free offer. I pay nothing now, and owe nothing later."

Analgesic nephropathy (is that like necrophilia?) involves damage to one or both kidneys caused by overexposure to mixtures of medications, especially over-the-counter pain remedies.

Oh my god...found this!!!
Anesthesia Necrophilia

daddy built a droid and named it Wisdom
stuck it in a steel balloon
taught it how to spit out ones and zeros
said it’s gonna colonize the moon

i mean it, i mean it
i’m kidding

mother made an alter in the garden
out of bones and feathers
she’ll be sacrificing something
said it’s gonna change the weather

i mean it, i mean it
i’m kidding
have a little anesthesia
i mean it, i mean it
i’m kidding
dig a bit of necrophilia
anesthesia, necrophilia

This is just a bit of the freaky poem!!! fooking hell!!!!!


I am now analgesic on a scale of 2 on the ladder and midway in the league table. Maybe I should use my free sample of Dromeo Pain Relief Analgesic Lotion but I best be careful not to overexpose myself to a mixture of medications or I might get analgesic nephropathy or if I am unlucky Anesthesia Necrophilia!! All this from typing the word anal!!! What word can I use next?? The mind boggles!! Who needs an education when you have Google??

PuBiC sErViCes!!!

I love this!!

It is a wall display at work!!

Everytime I see it or teach in this room I smile to myself knowing that this is there!!

Why?

The reason why is because it has been there for nearly a year and still nobody has changed it!!

People miss the small things in life, the detail, because they are too busy!!

Not me, oh no..life is in the small detail...

It's the small detail that makes us interesting

I also have a juvenile sense of humour :-D

A bit HaRsH?? But is it true? ;-D

When students arrive at college we welcome them with this!!

Usually the answer is this!!

 Only joking we are having an energy efficiency week at work!!

Look at my Depthometer!! Oooooooooo!! lovely ;-D

Drunk Texting!!! Not A good Idea?

For some strange reason when I am pissed/drunk I can't co-ordinate my eyes and hands!!!

I was slightly tipsy last night and I sent this text to my mother!!!

How big is your pixel dick?

My mother, bless her, replied this morning with this text...

Gordon, where you drunk last night?

Are you drinking too much?

Hope you are ok?

Ring me.

What is a pixel dick?

love mum xx

Apparently, on the outside I didn't look that drunk last night but on the inside I was wankered!!

When I get really pissed I try not to text as I send them to the wrong number!!

I have no idea why I have text dyslexia when I am pissed but??

I had some interesting replies this morning!! lol!!

If you know me and you receive a text that has no meaning then don't worry if it is from me I am just wankered..just send me a crazier reply!!! please!! lolol!!! :-Dx 

CoMe DiNe WiTh G

You've heard of Come Dine With Me...Now Come Dine With G!!

I used to enjoy watching 'Come Dine' then cooking for friends...I decided to cook for a lady friend..(the way to a womans pants...I mean heart, is to spoil them by cooking for them ;-D

I have been a little inactive on the cooking front recently so I thought I would jump back on that horse with something nice and easy!! A seafood starter with salad, (served with champagne) followed by chicken fajitas. Lovely!! Prepared everything .. all was going swimmingly well. Put some music on, I thought Primal Scream, Screamadelica era

Danced upstairs...shower etc...get ready!! Plenty of time!! Shower on....Now this could be an experiment you can try yourselfs at home? This is what happened...I got in the shower, I used the Shower gel which is mint and tea tree...which makes you tingle...Like your nuts have been left in a deep freeezer and are thawing out!!

I had also been chopping chillies!! They were red hot!! I had washed my hands but obviously not near enough!!

 I can honestly say it is one of the strangest feelings I have ever had!! One Second my bits  felt all cold and tingly, then in an instant they were on fire, then cold, then on fire!!

I hosed myself down with the shower head and got some Moist toilet tissue and proceeded to be uncomfortable for a good five minutes.. Try it..It is an indescribable feeling. It's like putting your bits in a freezer then into a fire..mint-tingly-chilli-burn-!!A bit like Sweet & Sour...but not

Anyway, I was a bit concerned that if I got some pistola action It might be interesting..I resisted the temptation to be naughty and thouroughly washed my hands (if you ever want to see you girlfriend run upstairs like Usain Bolt and find her with the shower head strategically placed then try the old chilli pistolas! It works a treat from experience ;-Dx)

The night went well when I started feeling room temperature again.

It felt good to be entertaining...it's been a while, I have been a little lazy on the cooking front!!

 I might plan one of my famous curry nights soon!!

Chillis nice but naughty!!! :-D

Is JudY pUnchinG RiChArD?

Judy & Richard!!

You know it people!! Oh yeah, she wears the trousers!!

This is a new weekly supplement were I pick the best drunken conversation/discussion/debate that I have had in my week of drunken tomfoolery!!! ;-D

Is Judy punching above her weight with Richard?

The evidence - She is eighty five a bit on the tubby side and clearly got some sort of illness! Alcoholism, Parkinsons, Alzheimers or any other disease that makes you shake like a pneumatic drill!! Politely put..past her sell by date!

Richard is about 50, clearly quite healthy, handsome and very wealthy. He could probably pull some fresh lady aka Gary Lineker style so why is he still with Judy?

1) Judy is obviously a filthy minx?

2) Judy must give great hand/tit wanks shaking like a pneumatic drill?

3) Judy has bosoms for pillows?

4) Richard feels sorry for her?

5) Richard is scared shitless of her? He could well be described as a gayer!

6) Richard is a cock - remember Ali G?

7) They are actually still in love with each other???

I would like to think it was 7 but I think it is a cross between 2 and 5!!! :-D

Always remember with a Mass Debate there are no right or wrong answers...just total irrelevant conversation.  Lets face it, when you are out for a pint the last thing you want is some serious cunt talking politics etc.. Now that would be a fooking joke at the moment!!! :-D

BaRRy GiBB is JeSuS

I knew it...Barry Gibb is Jesus!!

I thought I was hallucinating off Swine flu gel, Lemsips,Tixylix, Pornstar Martinis and San Miguel!!!

I didn't mean anything that I told you last night in the Pop Confessional... ;-D

Forgive me Barry!!!

GiLLiAn MckEith is ThE dEviL

I just opened my fridge and this fooker was inside????

GiLLiAn MckEith is ThE dEviL

Gillian Mckeith you think you are so clever with your Bristol Stool Scale...
Ha...well girfriend what just happened to me ain't on that chart so there, explain that??
I have put it in a tupperware lunchbox and I am sending it next day delivery to you to analyze it for me.
I think I might have an alien living inside me?? Mmmmm

FlaSh FoRwArD - If you could find out your future would you want to know it?

Inbetween boughts of Mojitos and Pornstar Martinis this philosophical question popped out!!

If you could find out your future would you want to know it? 

Against...I don't want to know when I am going to die!

               Life should be full of unpredictability!     

For...if you knew you were going to die you could plan for it better etc..

        you could change your future?

Flash Forward - New Programme on TV

When a mysterious event causes the entire world to black out, humanity is given a glimpse into its near future, and every man, woman and child is forced to come to grips with whether their destinies can be avoided or fulfilled.