Friday SurGerY

Friday Afternoon Surgery

Patient 1 - Hi Dr G, I am in desperate trouble as my Gruffter has creatures living in it...I keep finding mouse droppings in my underwear and my wife says she won't nosh me off any more due to being bitten on the lip by a rodent the last time she tried to get near my willy? She says she will leave me if I don't trim my unruly man garden! She describes it as like 'trying to suck a wurthers original through a thorn bush while being attacked by creatures!'

Well this is a problem that is becoming more and more frequent in my surgeries.. What to do with seventies Gruffter!! This is how I see it..Your hair is disappearing from your head and appearing in your ears, nose, butt, gruffter etc..You feel old and nostalgic for the seventies when big chops and mullets were all the rage!! I say, 'Get With it' Shave that bad boy off..If woman can have a 'Brazilian' so can men..Hell I had 'Dr G Rocks' shaved into my man muff the other week!! The ladies love it!! Once done just surprise your partner by dropping your pants at her place of work and saying ' Oooo Baby suck on this Murray Mint!!' Result!!

Patient 2 - Dr G, I am desperate, I keep waking up with the cat in our bed! I hate the fooking thing but it is my girlfriends. She has clearly stated to me that it is both pussies or none!! What should I do?

Well the selfish bitch! This sort of thing really gets to me!! I used to live with someone who was exactly the same!!She had a big ginger cat that used to sleep on the bed.  If it's both pussies or none then I suggest one night you put gaffer tape around the cat and bum it! When your girlfriend wakes up and sees you in action you can just turn around and say ' well this is what you like so I thought I would treat your cat exactly the same'. Result!! Equal Opps in action.... Boom!!

Be safe out there!! Dr G