Dr G's Surgery

Surgery Time

A few e-mails have been brought to my attention over the last couple of days - Fellow humans in need of help and who am I to withhold my knowledge!! ;-D

Problem 1: Dr G I have 'ninety nine problems but the bitch ain't one!' What should I do?

Well, in my experience it is always better to have even problems, odd numbers are always unlucky! So as of now you should be trying to really piss that bitch off!! Sleep with her mother, Wet the bed, preferable by urinating on her back, don't wash yourself for a few days and constantly fart when she is near you and blame her. Argue with her for no reason and just be an asshole in general! I guarantee that you will have a nice 100 problems within 3 weeks!! You will be single and be able to wank yourself silly at ever opportunity! result!

Problem 2: Dr G I feel like a pair of curtains! what should I do?

Well, this is tricky! You are obviously feeling vulnerable at the moment, what with all those opening and closures in your life. Not knowing whether to open up or keep shut all the time...You are probably feeling quite veloury at the moment and a bit crusty if, as in my youth after sex with the babysitter I used to like to wipe my cock on the curtains as a sort of territorial thing. A bit like a tom cat who squirts his muck everywhere to say 'this is my patch, yeah baby', well the ritual of 'wipeage' was the same. It used to make me smile to see my crustations when I returned to the room the following week! The answer I feel, is to become like a venetian blind. All new and trendy!! Who wants to be curtains now??Nobody, I hear you cry..Book yourself in for the operation to convert yourself, become a new man!!  Easy to open and close and there ain't no chance anyone will wipe anything on you unless they want their dick splicing!! Result

Please remember I am a fully qualified in first aid!! Be careful out there people..