Dr G - Send me Your Problems!!!

Hi Dr G...My name is Alan Dong (obviously that is not my real name) and I have a little problem!

I have been feeling a little itchy and scratchy lately around my 'love region' shall we call it. Anyway, I am worried that I might have Chlamydia. I looked at the symtoms but I feel and piss like that after a night on the town when I've drunk 15 pints of Stella,10 flaming Sambucca's and shagged a munter bareback!!

•a white/cloudy or watery discharge from the penis,

•burning and itching in the genital area,

•pain when passing urine, or

•painful swelling of the testicles.

I keep seeing these adverts on buses saying that there is free Clamydia testing for under 25's! However, I am 39 and a half and therefore wouldn't qualify for free testing!! I think it is an outrage and 'ageist' not too allow us old pervs free tests as well!! Do the government think we stop having sex after the age of 25? What do you advise Dr G? I can't sleep at night for worrying!! :-(

Dr G - Well Alan, (I hope it's not your real name) I have thought about this long and hard! For all of 2 minutes..The solution is far easier than you might think and potentially pleasurable!! All you need to do is shag someone under 25 and send her to the 'Clap Clinic' It will be free, fun and she will have all the embarrassment of going to the clinic..The slag!!! If she is clean you are clean...result! Win, win and win!

Hope this will enable you to sleep better at night :-)