Private Eye or Spy???

Private Eye or Spy???

Of late I have been thinking of a career change!!!

I thought what skills have I got that I could transfer to another career??

I like to hide around street corners, stalk my girlfriends-victims, search through drawers for underwear-evidence, take pictures when people aren't looking, sit around for hours doing nothing but watching films,I like to eat cake, I like to drive my car in high speed pursuits through cardboard boxes, I like big hair-all over!! I like to wear sunglasses at night(twat) I like to womanise(they don't) I like to drink - especially cocktails called Porn Star Martinis...Light bulb moment!!

I could be a Private Eye or as I like to call it a 'Private Dick' a bit seventies but I think that being in the police etc...looked a lot more fun in the seventies..eg. The Sweeney and Life on Mars. Or, alternatively I could be a spy..like a posh version of a Private Eye with a gun and access to hotter women who will seduce me and then try and kill me with their thighs!! Mmmm!!!

Time to weigh up the advantages and dis-advantages of both!

If I was a Private Eye I could be as cool as Humphrey Bogart, I'd put right wrong doings, save the day and win the girl!! REALITY - I'd look like a seventies porn star, I'd solve fook all, I'd put loads of weight on from sitting around doing fook all and eating fast food. I would become an alcoholic and get some sort of STD from sleeping with hookers to pass the time.

If I was a spy like James Bond or Sean Connery who is a spy in real life (FACT) I would look the bollox in my suits, Have a cool car, lots of crazy gadgets to impress my friends, save the world from some crazy guy covered in gold or with three nipples!! Get the hottest girls who would seduce me in order to kill me but instead would fall in love with me because of my prowess in bed..REALITY - if I was a spy for Great Britain it would be more like Spies Like Us. I would have the shittiest equipment that wouldn't work when I needed it too, Suits from Burtons, drive a Reliant Robin, get sent to some half baked country which ended in STAN...where I would lose my life to a ladyboy who would smother me with his/her knub....

Conclusion - All that glitters is not Gold...ask Gary!!! :-( 
I quite like my job anyway...unlesss.... :-D